OK. Here's the still-unpolished explanation I promised in my starts and fits:
HIV is an active part of my genetic material. It was aquired rather than inherited, but it would not be posible for me to pretend it didn't become a blueprint for my life. (Of course I have free will, but I don't have as much free will as I would have without it.)
+Positve House was created as wish-fulfillment for the community "house" I wish I had, to then make up for my not having my own family and home.
I described what a community "house" would be for me in the "Living Now" entry this blog. (There is hope.)
I live in a city, San Francisco, intently focused on creating healing community based on gender and sexual orientation, not HIV status. The made-up services in +Positive House are just descriptions of what I see all around me that I am not included in.
I, personally, need some small inclusive HIV community badly. Inclusive. All kinds welcome. (Gender-exclusive without choice, to me, just feels like exclusion one way or the other. I don't ever want to be referred to another women's service again unless I can have alternatives that serve HIV+ human beings based on their specifically-personal human needs. Nothing about my life with HIV is gender-specific. I want services and community and langauge that refers to me based on my real human problems and needs and existence, that are all common with other HIV+ human beings' who are not all women. I am not a demograghic category. I don't even like the word "woman" anymore, and I didn't start out that way.)
The extensive link referral in the sidebarof +Positive House is provided so that the effort I put into the site serves a purpose even if no one reads the text. The referral is also for the purpose of using the specificity of all those services to make the point that the lack of venues for inclusive HIV+ community, and the total lack of any service for HIV+ straight people and straight relationships--has nothing to do with lack of resources.
I have felt left out in a way that I might not have if I didn't live in this city--if I lived in a place where there were no services equally for anybody. But I need to live here for my physical medical care. Which is the best in the world here for my kind.
I don't know anyone else who feels this way. I had to say it somewhere, so I said it in online.
I said in the personal profile of this blog that I am using +Positive House as a touchstone for more traditional, narrative writing here. The care I put into imagining +Positive House provides a vitual foundation, company, and comfort that allows for what I'm doing here. And it somehow provides some real leverage for moving forward with my life.
There. That's the best I can do.